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Friday, 23 March 2018

How many hits could be sufficient to be termed "Domestic Violence"

      A topic people never cease to talk about. A term used by everyone who had been hit by a partner( either male or female) Yes. Domestic violence is not only meted out to women by their spouses, it can also be done to men, but to women is more common. 
         As soon as a man hits a woman in the home or anywhere, it is termed as "domestic violence'' I can still remember one of my girlfriend who just got slapped by her partner, even though he apologized, and said he was angry and all that and since then he has never tried laying a finger on her. Does that make the guy a beast? Does that make him unworthy of her?  Could it be that it was just a mistake that is never going to be repeated by him, ever? All my other friends were quick to judge and call him names, and I just stared, not knowing what to say because he has never displayed that kind of behaviour before. So I didn't say anything . 
        But my question now is "Would that be termed domestic violence?" "How frequent  does one need to hit a woman for it to be called domestic violence? "
"Are you going to leave your man because he hit you once? "
   No🙅👰 woman should be beaten i know, we should never take the blame and accept we are the cause or reason for the blows and punches meted out on us, but what are you going to do if this happens to you? 
    I want to know your sincere answers to all these questions guys. What do you think? Do you have a story to share?  Have you had such experiences before and how bad was it?  In that situation, what did you do? 
    Please 🙏feel free to comment right below the post ⬇


Being Pregnant a teenager in Nigeria

     Life tests us in different ways, and out of those tests,we learn a lot of things; positive or negative. As we grow older,our minds are open to a lot of ideas. We feel happy 😃,sad😔,disappointed😞, lonely,we love,and most of the things we face, we don't even plan for it. Life just brings it to our doorstep and we open the door to receive it.
       I can recall when my 100level course mate who got pregnant and because of that she left the school. I can also remember when lecturers called her names,you know,tagged her as a wayward  girl. As students,we said she's not a smart babe for getting pregnant. Others said they always saw her with guys. You know,from one story to another,whether it was true or false,no one knew,we only knew she was pregnant! It was the talk of the school for weeks...till she left the school and never came back! 
      Being pregnant as a teenage girl in Nigeria who is still going through school is like a taboo, and it's not supposed to be so. Its never the end of the world but ignorant and jobless people resort to name-calling and neglect of the girl who got pregnant as if they're saints themselves! Most of us are hypocrites! Unlike other countries, they embrace it,the parents come together to settle,and after delivery,the girl can still continue her normal education, but here in Naija! Your own has finished! Even your parents will almost kill you,friends will gossip about you, your pastor must hear about it and come home to be giving you life lessons...It is because of the constant neglect and shame that make people to resort to abortion,killing of the baby even after delivery,or even suicide! 
Please we should not be quick to judge people.

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

This thing called "LOVE": A Valentine Message

This thing called "LOVE"
When I was a child it was so pure and so innocent
It was sharing, caring, it was giving, it was unity, it was joy, it was peace.
It was not corrupt by the stains of the society's notion of love
Now, it has worn the garment of lust
And kissed the lips of treachery
And dined with psychopaths who trade love for sexual desires
The dignity of love has been poisoned
Love; so sacrosanct, has been spoiled
On this particular day it is being savoured in a bed laid by deceit, lies, lustful desires by nymphomaniac bosoms
The meaning of love has been bastardized
The world is sick!
Now sex is the new love
And love is just a facade

Monday, 12 February 2018

How long can you wait for a man to pop the "QUESTION"

       So, I and my friends were having a little discussion about guys, marriage and how long we can wait for him to propose. I like this kind of conversation because that is when you see the true colours of some ladies! 😁 I mean some of my friends said they could not wait and some said they can wait as long as they love their partner and he loves them too.
         Now, how long can one even wait for these men to pop the biggest question of all time "Will you marry me? " Actually, it all depends on time. You can possibly expect a grown lady to hold on till she's above 30 to ask her to marry you all in the name of love. I mean, sometimes age matters, let's be realistic here, especially in our country; Nigeria. Most men wants to marry someone that he can control, someone that he has age advantage over. I've come to realise that some women who leave their spouses and get married to other suutirs are not really at fault, they're only being realistic. I mean if you live me to that extent, why the he'll can't you propose?  What are you waiting for?  People say yes I can wait for the man I love and help him build up himself and all those "talks". But do you know that that same person who you are helping to build up and supporting and waiting for can betray you tomorrow and go to marry someone else?  Do you know that people change? Men are not to be trusted?
       A lady once shared a story of her boyfriend of many years who dumped her for a girl he just met online!  I mean on the internet!  See life!  And this lady was busy waiting on something she already lost. Worst thing is that the guy had no reason for his actions, he just woke up one day and disappeared from her life. We don't have to put our eggs in one basket people. As Nigerians will say "Shine your eyes". Anybody can do anything because they can.
       I am not saying one cannot wait for his or her lover or something, but do not be deceived, know when to leave, know when to reconsider, count your days, don't think that even an engagement ring is a proof that he is going to get married to you at all. Be wiser than this. A man that loves you and wants to get married to you will at least take steps and that is;performing marriage rites and going to see your parents, so you will be ascertained that truly, he wants to really marry you.
  Don't say I didn't warn you, because a lot of ladies fall into this category everyday. As you're loving him, don't forget that he is a man, and can change at anytime, and of course there's nothing you can do about it.


Friday, 9 February 2018

Is your partner just jealous or there's more to it?

         We all have made our spouses feel jealous one way or the other before. And we also like when our partner is jealous. It gives us that sense of reassurance that they're still crazy about us. We feel loved. We intentionally make our partners jealous just to tease their emotions.
         Jealousy is healthy for a relationship. It is just a little reminder that our partners still care about us. It has nothing to do with being insecure. A true lover feels jealous. He doesn't want the same intimacy and attention to be attributed to another person. He can't share you with anyone.
         Well, here is bad news for y'all; I've come to realise that it is not all jealousy that is as positive as the one I explained earlier. It is not as sweet as we think. Sometimes your partner may be displaying some signs of negative jealousy, a jealousy that has gone from sweet to sour. This is called "Negative Jealousy".
         Negative jealousy is not healthy for a relationship. It springs up from Insecurity, fear of loosing the other partner and lack of trust. When your partner suddenly starts to display extreme jealousy over you, it can lead to erratic behaviours of the jealous partner. Negative jealousy further leads to suspicion, anger, distrust, manipulation, interrogation, meanness, stalking or spying and possessive behaviour.
         I once heard of a girl whose boyfriend gets irritated just because she is speaking to a guy who is her friend, even if it's just a neighbour, he just flips,get angry. He is jealous of what she does and seeks to achieve in life because he is afraid he might lose her, he is jealous of the friends she keeps, constantly calls her just to know where she is and who she's hanging out with and will never believe her and constantly thinks she is lying to him.
       A jealous person will suspect you are up to something at every given time, a jealous person is so insecure that he'll want you to profess and assure him of your love and faithfulness to him always. An extremely jealous person will even accuse you of cheating and try to control you, and the kind of friends you hang around with. Actually, he doesn't like your friends. He wants you alone to himself and he is worried when you hang out alone with them. Jealousy is extreme when your partner tries to manipulate you. Sometimes, he or she might be abusive, i.e, psychologically, he'll make you feel less confident of yourself and try to bring you down sometimes. He will tell you that you are not pretty enough. He will tell you "No one wants you" "No man will look at you" "you're only good for me, in fact, am only helping you". So you in turn begins to think that way, that you also want to please him alone and not even yourself. He easily gets angry and is constantly mean to you. A jealous partner may love you but is insecure.
         We've heard of cases where a woman killed her husband because she thought he was cheating or become violent and give some scars to her spouse, or men who beat their spouses on a regular basis because of jealousy and insecurity.
         The baffling thing is that people who experience this kind of jealous are not even aware that they do. They only see it as their partner's way of keeping check on them, a cute way of showing deep affection, concern and attention for them. So they are blind to the signs of negativity their partner is selling out. Negative jealousy can never be good for a relationship. The quicker we observe and notice the behaviours of our partners, the better for us. Because behaviours that shows jealousy in extremity can be dangerous in a long run. This is even one of the causes or drive of Domestic Violence. Many who are victims will agree will testify to this. Let's make sure your spouse is jealous for the right reasons!

I want to know what you all think about this matter. Do you have any story to tell?
Feel free to comment on this page and share your stories guys! 😘

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

THE GROWTH: Me,my self and I

       As I grew up, life came to me slowly, and I began to embrace life. I realised I was growing up too fast and my mind was growing with it. I wanted to slow down. I wanted more out of life. I was picking up the pieces of the puzzles and solving them by myself. It was like time was not on my side; I needed to do SOMETHING, to be SOMETHING. I needed to write, to speak for people to hear me out. I thought about a lot of things. I could spend minutes talking to myself just to decide on the next step to take, i still do.
        Now that am all grown, I have come to realize that some things matter and some don't. You have RESPONSIBILITIES. You have CHOICES to make. The ones which will make or mar you. I am not complacent with where I am. I feel like there's a void that needs to be filled in my life. I feel like I am not in the right place. Sometimes I am restless, my thoughts are. Sometimes I am confused, I do not know which way to go, but I keep going, trying any and every opportunity that comes my way. My destination is vague, I don't have my life figured out just yet, but I keep hoping, hoping for something I cannot yet see. I've got many thing to sell out to the world, my gifts, my thoughts, my abilities. "How would they know I can do this", I ask myself. Why can't I just wake up one morning and live the life I've always wanted, dreamt about. Sometimes I am afraid because I'm slowly facing life; the reality of it. Life looks me in the face like "Now that you're here, what you gonna do?" I feel entangled in the webs of REALITY. Now, I feel more conscious of myself, of my body. Yes! My body is changing fast too. I begin to look at my body through a mirror I never noticed was there before. And when i look at the mirror, i see a well-defined figure with the edges, curves, flaws, and weight in the right places. I admire what i see. Then, I smile at the figure in the mirror, and she smiles back at me, giving me hope, assurance that everything is going to be okay, everything life throws at me, i am ready to face it. From that moment, I knew I can face what life brings to my doorstep. She gives me strength. I now realise, I love her. I have loved her even before now, but I didn't notice it. I love that figure in the mirror. I will always love her and nothing can change that.

Episode two:Is LOVE a determiner for CHEATING?

           On this episode, we're going to be focusing on the REASONS WHY MEN CHEAT. (MEN, not women). No one has ever really had the answer to why men cheat actually, i mean it baffles me to see a young man who has a pretty wife, mother to his children,a, woman who is hardworking, and respectful ,and yet her so called husband still cheats on her! I can never understand you guys (men).I mean what do you really want?
            Even if she's not giving you the doggy style and whatever style it is that you've imagined in your head, mehn!  You have to COMMUNICATE.. Yes!  Tell. It. To. Her! Sex chat with her, spice that shit up! 😋
            A man can cheat because he can cheat!  For me, there's actually no reason other than selfishness and discontentedness, and in some cases, DISTRUST. I've also come to realise on my own that people cheat all because they don't trust their spouses. They cheat because they do not trust their spouse not to do so, they don't want to feel played all along, so they just cheat in order not to be the only one that will be hurt when Yawa gas!🏃 (When the cat is let out of the bag)
              And please i just want to add finally that 🙅NO MAN must ever claim that "oh, i was drunk and i didn't know when i did it, she took advantage of me, she was all over me ". Oh, you mean you didn't know when your penis penetrated into her. You can as well say that you were dead while you did it!👏👏 Listen ladies, those are First -grade LIES. And you're going to be the biggest fool if you believe that sentence. If he want to perform any "drunken- sex, then he has got to be doing it with you!  **winks** 😏
            For the men in the house,kindly let us know why you cheat or why you think men cheat. For the ladies, your points matter too!